Venus & Mars

 

 

WOMAN'S DIARY

28 July 2007 Saturday


Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.

I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.

The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.

He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to

what I was saying, I just knew that something was wrong.

He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in,
He hesitated but followed.

I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.

After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed,

I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply,
He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.

He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we made love

- but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.

I cried myself to sleep -

I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's found someone else.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

MAN'S DIARY:

Saturday 28 July

Australia lost the cricket.

Gutted.

Got a root though.

If I Had My Life To Live Over by Erma Bombeck

The following was written by the late Erma Bombeck
after she found out she had a fatal disease.

 

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

Thoughts for the Day!

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

-How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

-I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

-Was learning cursive really necessary?

-I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

-Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

-How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

-I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,brothers!

-Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

-MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

-Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

-I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

Fairy Tale

Once upon a time
 
~~~~~~~~
 
in a land far away,
 
~~~~~~~~
 
a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess
 
~~~~~~~~
 
happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
 
~~~~~~~~
 
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
 
~~~~~~~~
 
One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am
 
~~~~~~~~
and then, my sweet, we can marry
 
~~~~~~~~
 
and set up housekeeping in your castle
 
~~~~~~~~
 
with my mother,
 
~~~~~~~~
 
where you can prepare my meals,
 
~~~~~~~~
 
clean my clothes, bear my children,
 
~~~~~~~~
 
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. "
~~~~~~~~
 
That night,
~~~~~~~~
as the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
on lightly sauteed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
and onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't f…..think so.

 

Kids Are Quick :)

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

o0o   o0o   o0o

 

TEACHER:   John,  why are you doing your math multiplication on  the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to do it  without using tables.

o0o   o0o   o0o

 

TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell  'crocodile?'
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No,  that's wrong
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you  asked me how I spell it.

 

o0o   o0o   o0o

 

TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for  water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:   What are you talking  about?
DONALD:     Yesterday you said it's H to O.  

o0o   o0o   o0o

 

TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have  today that we didn't have ten years  ago.
WINNIE:       Me!

o0o   o0o   o0o

 

TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so  dirty?
GLEN:          Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you  are.  

o0o   o0o   o0o

 

TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting  with ' I.'
MILLIE:         I  is..
TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I  am.'
MILLIE:          All right...  'I am  the ninth letter of the alphabet.'      

o0o   o0o   o0o

 

TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  
                    Now, Louie, do you know why his father  didn't punish him?
LOUIS:           Because George still had the axe in his hand.    

o0o   o0o   o0o

 

TEACHER:    Now,  Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers  before eating?
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my  Mom is a good cook.  

o0o   o0o   o0o

 

TEACHER:    Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the  same as your brother's. Did you copy  his?
CLYDE:         No, sir. It's the same dog.  

o0o   o0o   o0o

 

TEACHER:   Harold, what do you call a person who  keeps on talking when people are no longer  interested?
HAROLD:     A teacher

 

o0o   o0o   o0o

 

Swine Flu

And the jokes abound…

 

How Swine Flu started!

Rather amusing I thought, regardless of the reality.

THINK YOU'VE SEEN IT ALL???

I have seen this one a few times, but it gets me every time!!!

 

Warning to Women - THIEVES ABOUT!!!

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans.

And then the thieves struck again.

My bum was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new bum was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favour of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was drying my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time.

What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

Thought this was too 'important' not to pass on. Have a wonderful day - with a joy filled heart 

 

BTW - These same thieves come in my closet and shrank my clothes! 

How do they do it????

Sisters

A little something I received through the email.

 

 

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter..

'Don't forget your sisters,' she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.'

'Remember that 'sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'

What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her mother. She kept contact with her sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her mother really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays of her life..

After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT.........

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family: all bless our life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other..

Every day, we need each other still.

Bizarre...

They say its true… is it???

Catholic golf

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf.

The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed."

The good Sister told him to watch his language.

On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed."
"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly.
The priest promised to do better and the round continued.

On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.
Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."

On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed."

A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.

And from the sky comes a booming voice ......

"Shit, I missed!!!"

Last Wishes - a late St Pat's day joke...

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town' s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper 'final' arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

'BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN'

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker--postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:

'RETURNED  UNOPENED'

Ten Times!

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

Mrs. Park s ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty mind.

Two, you didn't read your homework.

And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

The naughty dung beetle...

Among scarab beetles, males and females generally pair up to start a family, jointly gathering dung and rolling and patting it into the rich brood balls in which the female deposits her fertilized eggs. The male may on occasion try to attract an extra female or two — but he does so at his peril. In one experiment with postmatrimonial scarabs, the female beetle was kept tethered in the vicinity of her mate, who quickly seized the opportunity to pheromonally broadcast for fresh faces. Upon being released from bondage, the female dashed over and knocked the male flat on his back. “She’d roll him right into the ball of dung,” Dr. Barash said, “which seemed altogether appropriate.”

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE!

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said: 'NO!'

 

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, ate chocolate, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.

 

The End.

The Rudd Financial Bail Out Package

The Medical Profession Speaks out on the Financial Bail-Out Package

The allergists voted to scratch it, and the dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, although the neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"
 while the pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the radiologists could see right through it, and the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The interns thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the plastic surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The anaesthesists thought the whole idea was a gas; and the cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the proctologists left the decision up to the assholes in Canberra.

Marriage

Marriage (Part I ) 
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and 
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time 
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. 
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless 
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. 
I'll  go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing 
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you 
give me a hard time about it. 
Those are my rules.  Any comments?'
      
His new bride said: 
'No, that's fine with me..  Just understand that there will be sex 
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************************ 

Marriage (Part II) 


Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone 
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!' 

'Yeah?' she replies.. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone 
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

(HE ASKED FOR IT!) 


***************************************** 

Marriage (Part III) 


Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. 
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no 
good in bed either,' and storms out of the house. 
After some time he realizes he was nasty and 
decides to make amends and rings her up. 
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 
'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
She says, 'I was in bed.'
'In bed this early, doing what?'
'Getting a second opinion!'
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!) 

*****************************************

Marriage (Part IV) 
   

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.   
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his 
wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. 
The man decides that it IS time to go home and   
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.     
He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?' 
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, 
shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

*****************************************

THE SILENT TREATMENT 

A man and his wife were having some problems at home 
and were giving each other the silent treatment. 

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife 
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. 

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece 
of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'  He left it where he knew she would find it. 

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it 
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he 
noticed a piece of paper by the bed.   The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM.  Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests..
  
*****************************************

God may have created man before woman, but there 
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.


*****************************************

20 Universal Truths

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

 

TWO. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

 

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

 

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

 

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

 

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

 

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

 

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

 

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

 

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

 

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

 

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

 

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

 

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

 

FIFTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

 

SIXTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

 

SEVENTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

 

EIGHTEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

 

NINETEEN. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

 

TWENTY. Spend some time alone.

 

Miss Joyce

 

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'

 

80% held up their hands.

 

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

 

'Miss Joyce''; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'

 

I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly.

 

'Miss Joyce', that is very unusual. How old are you?'

 

'Ninety-eight.' she replied.

 

'Oh, Miss. Joyce, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?'

 

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:

 

'I outlived the bitches.'

How tastes change - reflections of a freaked out fan

I really don’t remember how long I have been reading HP fanfiction now but I was introduced to the glory that was HP and the Philosophers Stone 9 years ago. We were on holidays and we were staying in communal accommodation, sharing with my aunt and her family as well. I was pregnant at the time and was staying there with my father and daughter. Due to the lack of anything to do and the general weariness that comes with pregnancy and a toddler combined, I was going to bed with the children. There really wasn’t anything else to do as we were all staying in one room together. Every night my aunt would read a chapter from this new book, HP - PS, that everyone was raving about, and I was hooked, the last afternoon we were there I borrowed it from my aunt just so I could finish it before we left. I had to know how the story ended.

I can’t remember the first ever fanfic that I read, I envy people who can in detail describe their first adventure into that world. The only thing that I am sure of is that it probably wasn’t slash. The earliest memory I have is that of Harry and Draco sitting together at the train station and having a smoke. And Draco being surprised that Harry smoked. It was what I now recognise as an Independent!Harry fic. I remember that Harry ‘rebelled’ and did things he wasn’t supposed to… yeah well that does feature dramatically in many fics. Was it well written, probably not, but then is that really a criteria when you are looking for something specific? Mostly yes, good grammer, spelling and punctuation are vital to help the reader relax, enjoy and understand where you are going. A good understanding of English is also vital. I could list a couple of my favourite ‘English’ mistakes easily.

For Example:

·         Shutter instead of shudder, the first is a window covering, the second is a full body shiver

·         Brake fast instead of breakfast, no further comment

·         Wither/withering instead of writhe/writhing, to wither is to shrivel from lack of water, to writhe is to wiggle or contort your body

·         Over use of the word lovely. ‘his lovely eyes were a lovely shade of green like the lovely emerald in his lovely ring.’ And yes I have read something very similar, except it was nearly a whole paragraph.

·         Onyx is not an eye colour, it seems that at one stage everyone was using onyx to describe Snapes eyes, but onyx comes in several different colours including white and green and the black is often dyed that colour… really the best gift you can give a budding writer is to give them a thesaurus, I use mine all the time and for example there is listed in mine under black the following: dark; pitch-black; jet-black; coal-black; inky; sable; and nigrescent. hmm no comment.

 

Perhaps I’m being too much of a literary snob, but I don’t think so, I can cope with the occasional spelling mistake, a finger burp as a friend calls it. The occasionally bad use of tense can be ignored if the story is good enough. But when the regular use of bad English, of the incorrect use of words gets to the point that it is every time they use it, then I lose patience and give up. I have seriously thought about offering my time a beta reader, only I have also seen stories where the beta readers comments are still enclosed in the text, or a paragraph is written twice with the second one having some adjustments done to it. Then of course is the authors note right in the middle of the text. Use footnotes please, if you must have a note there. There is nothing more disconcerting to come across a piece of text that has nothing to do with the story in general.

 

But then perhaps I am being too harsh. I’m not sure, it could have something to do with my job where I am always working/editing other peoples writing. I work with people who are more highly educated than me and others for whom the English language is a second language and not a very comfortable one at that. I am accustomed to editing text and seem to do it all the time regardless of what I am doing. So does that mean that I am the perfect writer??? Not at all. I cant write fiction and in momentary lapses of sanity, often dabble with the idea of writing my own fic, but have no illusions of the quality of the work that would be produced. So there is no threat of my having put out some dodgy work of fiction and getting upset because someone lambasted it for being of poor quality.

 

Anyway, until next time, when I lambast some poor soul’s lifework.

 

Happy writing!!!