Bizarre...

They say its true… is it???

Catholic golf

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf.

The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed."

The good Sister told him to watch his language.

On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed."
"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly.
The priest promised to do better and the round continued.

On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.
Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."

On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed."

A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.

And from the sky comes a booming voice ......

"Shit, I missed!!!"

Last Wishes - a late St Pat's day joke...

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town' s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper 'final' arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

'BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN'

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker--postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:

'RETURNED  UNOPENED'

Ten Times!

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

Mrs. Park s ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty mind.

Two, you didn't read your homework.

And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

The naughty dung beetle...

Among scarab beetles, males and females generally pair up to start a family, jointly gathering dung and rolling and patting it into the rich brood balls in which the female deposits her fertilized eggs. The male may on occasion try to attract an extra female or two — but he does so at his peril. In one experiment with postmatrimonial scarabs, the female beetle was kept tethered in the vicinity of her mate, who quickly seized the opportunity to pheromonally broadcast for fresh faces. Upon being released from bondage, the female dashed over and knocked the male flat on his back. “She’d roll him right into the ball of dung,” Dr. Barash said, “which seemed altogether appropriate.”

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE!

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said: 'NO!'

 

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, ate chocolate, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.

 

The End.

The Rudd Financial Bail Out Package

The Medical Profession Speaks out on the Financial Bail-Out Package

The allergists voted to scratch it, and the dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, although the neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"
 while the pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the radiologists could see right through it, and the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The interns thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the plastic surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The anaesthesists thought the whole idea was a gas; and the cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the proctologists left the decision up to the assholes in Canberra.

Marriage

Marriage (Part I ) 
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and 
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time 
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. 
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless 
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. 
I'll  go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing 
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you 
give me a hard time about it. 
Those are my rules.  Any comments?'
      
His new bride said: 
'No, that's fine with me..  Just understand that there will be sex 
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************************ 

Marriage (Part II) 


Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone 
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!' 

'Yeah?' she replies.. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone 
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

(HE ASKED FOR IT!) 


***************************************** 

Marriage (Part III) 


Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. 
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no 
good in bed either,' and storms out of the house. 
After some time he realizes he was nasty and 
decides to make amends and rings her up. 
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 
'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
She says, 'I was in bed.'
'In bed this early, doing what?'
'Getting a second opinion!'
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!) 

*****************************************

Marriage (Part IV) 
   

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.   
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his 
wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. 
The man decides that it IS time to go home and   
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.     
He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?' 
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, 
shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

*****************************************

THE SILENT TREATMENT 

A man and his wife were having some problems at home 
and were giving each other the silent treatment. 

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife 
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. 

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece 
of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'  He left it where he knew she would find it. 

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it 
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he 
noticed a piece of paper by the bed.   The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM.  Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests..
  
*****************************************

God may have created man before woman, but there 
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.


*****************************************

20 Universal Truths

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

 

TWO. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

 

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

 

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

 

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

 

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

 

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

 

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

 

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

 

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

 

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

 

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

 

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

 

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

 

FIFTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

 

SIXTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

 

SEVENTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

 

EIGHTEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

 

NINETEEN. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

 

TWENTY. Spend some time alone.

 

Miss Joyce

 

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'

 

80% held up their hands.

 

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

 

'Miss Joyce''; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'

 

I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly.

 

'Miss Joyce', that is very unusual. How old are you?'

 

'Ninety-eight.' she replied.

 

'Oh, Miss. Joyce, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?'

 

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:

 

'I outlived the bitches.'

How tastes change - reflections of a freaked out fan

I really don’t remember how long I have been reading HP fanfiction now but I was introduced to the glory that was HP and the Philosophers Stone 9 years ago. We were on holidays and we were staying in communal accommodation, sharing with my aunt and her family as well. I was pregnant at the time and was staying there with my father and daughter. Due to the lack of anything to do and the general weariness that comes with pregnancy and a toddler combined, I was going to bed with the children. There really wasn’t anything else to do as we were all staying in one room together. Every night my aunt would read a chapter from this new book, HP - PS, that everyone was raving about, and I was hooked, the last afternoon we were there I borrowed it from my aunt just so I could finish it before we left. I had to know how the story ended.

I can’t remember the first ever fanfic that I read, I envy people who can in detail describe their first adventure into that world. The only thing that I am sure of is that it probably wasn’t slash. The earliest memory I have is that of Harry and Draco sitting together at the train station and having a smoke. And Draco being surprised that Harry smoked. It was what I now recognise as an Independent!Harry fic. I remember that Harry ‘rebelled’ and did things he wasn’t supposed to… yeah well that does feature dramatically in many fics. Was it well written, probably not, but then is that really a criteria when you are looking for something specific? Mostly yes, good grammer, spelling and punctuation are vital to help the reader relax, enjoy and understand where you are going. A good understanding of English is also vital. I could list a couple of my favourite ‘English’ mistakes easily.

For Example:

·         Shutter instead of shudder, the first is a window covering, the second is a full body shiver

·         Brake fast instead of breakfast, no further comment

·         Wither/withering instead of writhe/writhing, to wither is to shrivel from lack of water, to writhe is to wiggle or contort your body

·         Over use of the word lovely. ‘his lovely eyes were a lovely shade of green like the lovely emerald in his lovely ring.’ And yes I have read something very similar, except it was nearly a whole paragraph.

·         Onyx is not an eye colour, it seems that at one stage everyone was using onyx to describe Snapes eyes, but onyx comes in several different colours including white and green and the black is often dyed that colour… really the best gift you can give a budding writer is to give them a thesaurus, I use mine all the time and for example there is listed in mine under black the following: dark; pitch-black; jet-black; coal-black; inky; sable; and nigrescent. hmm no comment.

 

Perhaps I’m being too much of a literary snob, but I don’t think so, I can cope with the occasional spelling mistake, a finger burp as a friend calls it. The occasionally bad use of tense can be ignored if the story is good enough. But when the regular use of bad English, of the incorrect use of words gets to the point that it is every time they use it, then I lose patience and give up. I have seriously thought about offering my time a beta reader, only I have also seen stories where the beta readers comments are still enclosed in the text, or a paragraph is written twice with the second one having some adjustments done to it. Then of course is the authors note right in the middle of the text. Use footnotes please, if you must have a note there. There is nothing more disconcerting to come across a piece of text that has nothing to do with the story in general.

 

But then perhaps I am being too harsh. I’m not sure, it could have something to do with my job where I am always working/editing other peoples writing. I work with people who are more highly educated than me and others for whom the English language is a second language and not a very comfortable one at that. I am accustomed to editing text and seem to do it all the time regardless of what I am doing. So does that mean that I am the perfect writer??? Not at all. I cant write fiction and in momentary lapses of sanity, often dabble with the idea of writing my own fic, but have no illusions of the quality of the work that would be produced. So there is no threat of my having put out some dodgy work of fiction and getting upset because someone lambasted it for being of poor quality.

 

Anyway, until next time, when I lambast some poor soul’s lifework.

 

Happy writing!!!

Finally bit the bullet and got sorted!!!

I have for some time now seen many people's profiles with the various houses of Hogwarts that they have been sorted into. Finally I figured it was time that I did it to...

Needless to say I was suprised by the answer...

I figured on Slytherin!



be sorted @ nimbo.net

Give it a go!

Google Maps (Part I of "The Googling")

Rather amusing...





It of course brings to mind many questions as to how or what Google can cover with it's Google Maps and how far can the take the satelite thingy. Big brother is watching you and this is a sure example of it. Even if entirely fictional!!

THE BEAT » Academic Libraries discover graphic novels

This post makes it sound like librarians cant be hip, cant be at the forefront of a surging sub-culture, cant have interests out side of their particular field...

I've got my weekend pass to the local Anime Con, and I've got cash stashed by for the manga that I will be buying... bring it on baby!!!

THE BEAT » Blog Archive » Academic Libraries discover graphic novels

The orginal artical that spawn the pwbeat one...

Typies: 15 tips to choose a good text type

A really great reference for design and the decision making process for the use of fonts in text. With pitures!!!


Typies: 15 tips to choose a good text type

misprinted type 3.0_ art, design and type (1998-2005) Eduardo Recife

Absolutely beautiful example of interesting webdesign...

oh if only I had the talent!!!

misprinted type 3.0_ art, design and type (1998-2005) Eduardo Recife

Look and desire...

Libraryman » Sing A Song Of Innovation

Too funny, a bit of Gilbert and Sullivan... The Gods of the Stage!!!


Libraryman » Sing A Song Of Innovation

Internet TV in Japan, Tradional TV going to the Dogs

Death knell for television as we know it

New Internet television technology in Japan could make traditional real-time broadcasting obsolete

The Age
Monday, May 26, 2008

By Justin Norrie

Japanese television technology that will give viewers access to high-speed broadcasts over the internet could render conventional television obsolete and transform the media landscape within years, analysts have predicted.

The country's electronics and telecommunications industries are developing a technological standard for a new "internet television" set, which will let users browse websites and watch streaming programs at the touch of a remote control.

Japanese media reports say the new television, which is likely to run on the open source Linux operating system rather than Microsoft Windows to save boot-up time, could be on sale locally by next March.

The TV Portal Service Corp syndicate, comprising Sony, Matsushita (Panasonic), Sharp, Hitachi and Toshiba, is expected to announce the standard as early as next month. With the backing of telecommunications giant NTT, it will lobby the International Telecommunications Union to adopt it for global use.

Full article here

Librarian Anime Character wears "real glasses"

Eyeglass Store Sells Official Library War Glasses
posted on 2008-04-16 03:28 AEST
Asako character to wear different pair of Zoff prescription glasses every week

Full article from Anime News Network

Oh YEAH!!!

Not only is it a anime about libraries, and censorship but one of the characters wears glasses that are available in Japan from a particular store...

Shibasaki's eyeglasses can actually be bought at Zoff, a chain of Japanese eyeglass stores.

Now where is that credit card???

Based on a light novel series by Arikawa Hiro, illustrated by Adabana Sukumo.

In the year 2019, the explosion of information and misinformation became a direct threat to society. In a daring decision, it was decided to create a new government agency dedicated solely to information management. Now some thirty years later, the government still monitors and controls information, suppressing anything they find undesirable, but standing against their abuses of power are the libraries, with their special agents called ‘the book soldiers.’

Taken from AniDB.net

Ok so does this just show my uber geekiness or am I really so sad that I'm getting excited by a character wearing glasses, and not just any but ones I could buy for myself, and based in and around libraries. I'm all for no censorship and freedom of expression and find this whole idea of a guerilla movement of librarians fighting for the rights of the people and their libraries just a little exciting!!

Listings for Toshokan Sensou (Library War)

AniDB.net
Anime News Network
AnimeNFO
Official Site (Japanese)

The Twelve Kingdoms Novel 2 - Review - Anime News Network

The long awaited 2nd novel of the Twelve Kingdoms Series has been beautifully reviewed on Anime News Network...

Synopsis:

In all of the lands of the Twelve Kingdoms there is only one Sati-tree, on Hohzan, one of the Five Mountains at the heart of the Yellow Sea. From that tree spring the fruit that become the noble kirin. Shortly after the fruit for the new kirin of Tai began to grow on the Sati-tree calamity strikes, resulting in the fruit being blown across dimensional boundaries into Hourai (i.e. Japan). Ten years later the fledgling kirin, now grown into a boy who has had immense trouble fitting in, is found and recovered, bringing Taiki back to his proper place. Though Taiki, an auspiciously rare black kirin, quickly comes to accept his new reality, the ten years he spent in Hourai have prevented him from developing what should be instinctive kirin traits, such as how the world of the Twelve Kingdoms works, how to pacify demons to become his sirei (i.e. bonded servants), and how to shift into his animal form. Despite that, it falls to him to choose the new king of Tai, a holy task that he has little time to prepare for or understand.

For the full review ---> The Twelve Kingdoms Novel 2 - Review - Anime News Network